| SO questions for the transgender M-F partner
The second question the SO usually asks is, "If my partner decides to transition full time to being female, does that make me a lesbian?" Sexual orientation deals with "who" you are erotically attracted to. In cases where the SO became intimately partnered with a person before knowing about them being transgender (where the couple may have been married for 40-50 years, for example) the SO was erotically attracted to a male. The fact that they choose to stay with their transgender partner when/if they transition full time to female, means that they have chosen to move beyond societal expectations and gender to simply continue loving their partner, remaining in the marital relationship with them.
If there is any difficulty for the SO, it often lies in "what" society thinks of them, and how that impacts how they perceive themselves. When an SO asks me, "Who am I? Am I a lesbian" if my male partner transitions full time to female, I often ask them, "While you are here at Esprit this week, and your male partner is cross dressing, are you a lesbian this week?" The point of the question is that if you are not a lesbian for one week when your partner is cross dressing, you are not a lesbian if your partner transitions full time (unless you personally identify as lesbian).
The trans person who does transition full time to female, sometimes does explore the question, "What is my sexual orientation?" Most of the time, their orientation (if they have been erotically attracted to females all of their life) remains the same. If, however, they (as a male) previously found themselves attracted to men, but knew they were not gay (and perhaps married a woman because society says that is what a man is supposed to do), they will find themselves erotically attracted to men once their gender identity becomes consistent by transitioning to female. They will then discover that society then considers them to be in a heterosexual relationship (for those who fully accept them as female).
At times, older people who transition, explore the spectrum of sexual orientation (having bisexual experiences) before most often finding themselves at home identifying their erotic attractions as being predominantly toward either males or females. Younger people who transition might feel more comfortable exploring the nature of being bisexual on an ongoing basis. This is a journey many in our society might take if not for the teachings in our culture. Whew! There is a lot to learn, or rather unlearn in some cases.
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