I have been traveling since September 11, 2005, transforming myself as I seek to bridge the divide that is paralyzing our country. Engaging hearts and minds, creating authentic connections, and dissolving differences that separate us has been my intention. From the poor and homeless in the back roads of America to the rich and privileged in corporate boardrooms, I have talked with people who are wrestling with their understanding of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning persons. The wrestling outside our community is surpassed only by the inability of our own community to live authentically, often compromising our potential to move forward in our journey toward equality and justice.
I am not alone on this year-long journey, Gay Into Straight America. We are two women and a poodle. Our team consists of me, Dotti Berry, my spouse, Robynne Sapp, and our standard poodle, Rylee Joy. We are a sight to behold, traveling in our purple suburban, pulling a 13 foot Scotty trailer, both donated by friends who believe in our quest for connections as a vehicle for healing our nation.
I am energized as I connect with people who are wrestling, whether it is ordinary people, politicians & ministers, or those in our own community who are struggling with how to live an authentic life. I welcome the energy and movement available through wrestling, providing an opportunity for each of us to grow and shift.
Through my interactions with people across America, my intention is to dispel myths and fears that some individuals have about our community, creating a safe space for meaningful dialogue. I feel strongly about treating other people with respect and listening carefully to them, regardless of differences of opinions. I recognize that being able to love those who love me is easy; loving those who don’t know how to love me because of unconscious fear, holds the opportunity for transformation…mine and theirs.
I present at several transgender conferences each year. Many gay & lesbian persons, like others in society, lack a foundation for understanding transgender and intersex persons. I am committed to helping expand our understanding in society. Not only should the transgender community not be left behind, they should be invited to lead the way. I can never repay them for what I have learned about what it means to be fully human and vulnerable in taking risks.
My involvement with Soulforce, from 1999, when we initially met with Rev. Jerry Falwell, to the present, led to the application of non-violent process in my life and on this journey. The catalyst to action, however, took place on May 9, 2005, when I read in The Advocate about Lars Clausen, a Lutheran minister. He was preparing to take a 5 week journey, Straight Into Gay America, in the summer of 2005. A line from our marriage vows – “We vow to change the world through the expression of our love” – became our journey motto.
What have I learned from this journey?
Fear is a call for love. People want to connect at the deepest level, and yet people are often afraid to risk reaching across differences to connect with one another. More than anything, the majority of people in our country want equality and justice for all people. The vocal and well-financed minority, who do not want this, have held our community hostage. It is time to break the silence, and share our lives, our authentic selves, with the movable middle. Whenever we are triggered, it reflects us, not them. It is time to quit enabling dysfunction within our own community by being complicit in our own imprisonment through our silence. Life is about chiseling away the armor we have grown, creating a false illusion of safety, to reveal the beauty within.
It is time to ask as much of ourselves as we ask of others. The gift that we are must be shared if we are to move forward. It will both heal us and empower us.
We have the right target, but the wrong focus. Our target of equality and justice is a good one, but our focus continues to be asking more of others than we do of ourselves. When are we as individuals, along with our national organizations, going to step up to the plate and hold ourselves as accountable as we do others?
I cannot do everything. But I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do.
Thank you, Helen Keller. The question was once posed to you, “What would be worse than being blind?” Your reply, “To have good eyesight, but no vision,” impacted me. Thank you for encouraging me to both see and have vision.
Dotti Berry, a consultant, trainer, and coach, is finishing her doctorate work in Human Sexuality at Widener University in Philadelphia, PA. Visit her website www.GayIntoStraightAmerica.com or www.GLBTcoach.com. Dotti Berry & Robynne Sapp were legally married in the spring of 2004 in Oregon, before having their spiritual ceremony July 31, 2004. Their civil license was voided a year later by the state of Oregon.
Dotti has been involved with Soulforce since its first meeting in Lynchburg, VA, confronting Rev. Jerry Falwell regarding his spiritual violence. She and Robynne have been inside Focus on the Family, as well as the Love Won Out Conference in Seattle, WA. As well, they sent an open letter to Dr. James Dobson. You can click here and read those about experiences at the following link.
