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Dorothy Angell is putting them up in her small apartment during their five-day stay while they visit with area ministers, outreach groups and church parishioners or anyone who wants to talk. Their tour, "Gay Into Straight America" — the name is posted on the side of the purple vehicle — originated near Bellingham, Wash., on Sept. 11 of this year. The focus of this trip, they say, is not to change people’s minds but to engage in meaningful conversations. They have been encouraged by the work of Soulforce, an organization "committed to nonviolent resistance to help free oppressed sexual and gender minorities from political oppression."
Their guide in Mid-Missouri is Angell, a member of Trinity Presbyterian Church, who arranged informal meetings with area Presbyterians. Angell’s daughter, Cathy, and her partner, Ronna Biggs, are friends of Berry and Sapp, who live in Bellingham.
Angell is a co-founder of PFLAG, a Columbia support and advocacy group for parents, families and friends of lesbians, gays and bisexual and transgender people. Berry and Sapp met with that group Thursday.
"My life has been greatly enriched by all the people I have met through PFLAG," Angell said, "and through my lesbian daughter."
Berry and Sapp plan to worship with Angell on Sunday at Trinity Presbyterian Church. On Monday, the couple and their poodle will travel to Little Rock, Ark.
"We hope to go to a church every Sunday during our trip," Berry said. They always call first because they want to make sure they are welcome as lesbians. They often hear a don’t-ask-don’t-tell message they find disturbing. That policy feeds into deceptiveness and oppression, Berry said. They hope more churches will acknowledge the "elephant in the room," she added.
Connections and inspirations
Sapp and Berry are "committed to creating authentic connections with people who are wrestling with their understanding of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons," Sapp said.
Their idea for "Gay Into Straight America" was inspired by Lars Clausen, a Lutheran minister who took a tour across the United States in June called "Straight Into Gay America." The pastor, who is straight, gathered stories about the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender lifestyles on his trip.
Sapp and Berry were so moved by his stories that they decided to embark on a "parallel journey, engaging hearts and minds and dissolving differences," Sapp said.
Another influence in the project has been their friend, the Rev. Jay Smith of First Baptist Church in Bellingham. They met him after he spoke against same-sex marriage on a panel last year at Western Washington University. "He said there was no room for same-sex marriage in his church," Sapp said. From the audience, Berry asked the reverend, "Is there room for civil unions and holy unions?" From that first attempt at understanding, new friendships were born.
The three met after the discussion and agreed to a lunch date once a week.
"We met for lunch for a year," Sapp said. "After six months, Pastor Jay leaned forward one day and said: ‘I can no longer condemn your relationship. I can’t deny the love I see between the two of you, and that has changed me.’ He said he supported holy unions and civil unions, but he was still ‘wrestling’ with the marriage issue."
The fact that he "wrestled" for so long impressed them. He took the time to know them.
At the end of their yearlong dialogue, "he asked himself, ‘What does marriage really mean?’ Perhaps all of us should be asking that question," Berry said.
All forms of faith
For Berry and Sapp, the issue seems to be faith, in as many ways as one can mine such a word. The two met in 1997 and were legally married in Oregon on March 7, 2004. The marriage was "voided" by a Portland court in May 2005. In July, at their spiritual wedding before two ministers, they vowed "to change the world through the expression of love." They took the vow seriously. And faithfully.
Sapp, 40, also a photographer, left a longtime position as manager of a clinical research center. Berry, 52, is a life coach. She has put off finishing her doctorate in human sexuality but will coach her clients by phone while on the road, she said.
Their own families are slowly accepting their union, said Sapp, who is excited about the couple’s first invitation to a Christmas gathering at the home of Berry’s mom. Sapp’s family also is coming around, she said. Her father, at her mother’s urging, helped prepare the couple’s truck for their road trip. In the past, she said, her mother supported James Dobson’s Focus on the Family ministry, which denounces homosexuality.
"I did not come out as a lesbian until I was 36," Sapp said. "Being gay was an abomination to Dobson. You couldn’t be Christian and be gay."
In 2001, Sapp attended a ConnECtion conference, which was sponsored by Evangelicals Concerned, a nationwide ministry that "affirms lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered Christians in their faith." She learned she wasn’t alone.
"There were supportive theologians, ministers and others out there who did not think that my existence was the sin of all sins," she said.
Both Sapp and Berry said Dobson plays on fears and spreads misinformation about gays and lesbians, which results in his ministry raising a great deal of money.
They also said such ministries and programs cause a great deal of anxiety and defensiveness. When the couple moved to a neighborhood in Blaine, Wash., near the Canadian border, they held hands when they took walks. Apparently, that didn’t sit well with some folks. A petition was circulated to rid the neighborhood of "too much gay activity."
"I immediately fell into fear," Sapp said, but "Dotti saw this as a cry for love. She bought a bundle of roses and went door-to-door, inviting everyone to dinner," and followed up with written invitations. "On a Sunday, our house was crawling with people — adults and children — and they stayed a long time.
"This is an example of love in action."
Their next-door neighbor, an evangelical Christian, later confessed that she hadn’t known what to say or how to act when they first met.
"Now our neighbors are taking turns house-sitting for us while we are gone," Sapp said. "When we left, our next-door neighbors were waving and calling out, ‘We’ll miss you.’ If this can happen in a neighborhood — living in love and not fear — it can happen anywhere."
Reach Marcia Vanderlip at (573) 815-1718 or mvanderlip@tribmail.com.
