| This I Believe, by Dotti Berry
Recently, I read about This I Believe, a weekly radio program on most NPR member stations, inviting listeners to share their beliefs. "For many people, the point is not to get on the air, but to have gone through the exercise itself," says Jay Allison, the program's host and curator. "The rewards have been more personal than public."
With that in mind, I decided to submit an essay (maximum 500 words) at www.npro.org/ThisIBelieve. I encourage you to also do this exercise!
Dotti's Essay:
Lars Clausen inspires me. Why? He walks his talk. In his case, his “wheel matches his deal,” as this Guinness World Record holder unicycles for social justice for all people. Three years ago, Lars’ spoke-by-spoke travels started with Eskimos in Alaska and continued through Native American lands, covering all 50 states from coast to coast. His book, One Wheel - Many Spokes, encourages me to live life more fully.
This Lutheran minister, a straight, married man with two children, made bolder plans this year. His journey, Straight Into Gay America, encouraged people to share their passions and feelings with him, as he looked at everyday life for GLBT people.
Lars has become the catalyst for my spouse, Robynne, and me to embark on the most important journey of our life, Gay Into Straight America, a parallel journey that encompasses the opposite angle. The bottom line is the same: creating authentic connections with people allows us to dissolve the differences that separate us. I believe these deeper, intimate connections can bridge the polarization of a nation “wrestling” with its understanding of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons.
At our wedding, Robynne and I said: “ We vow to change the world through the expression of our love.” Undefended love fuels our journey.
Like Ralph Waldo Emerson, I believe in speaking my truth. In keeping with his belief that honesty was more important than popularity, Emerson insisted that Christianity had fossilized! Having come from a Christian background, I feel this fossilization has permeated many (not all) religious institutions. I believe we can change that, and unite people.
I continue to process learning to respond with love and compassion, enabling me to take greater risks, unattached to the outcome. As my inner healing has continued, there remains less inside of me to trigger, altering my perspective.
I have discovered that sharing and listening to others’ stories shifts my understanding, leading to a change and transformation in my own internal beliefs. Unexpected gifts emerge as I interact with others, sharing commonalities that lead to understanding our “connecting threads.”
I believe these are points of light, giving hope and illumination to differences that have blinded us. Gay Into Straight America will encourage people to elevate the level and depth of their conversations. I believe spending time with those whose opinions differ from mine, creates a springboard that vaults the barrier of a “them-me” attitude.
Poet Andre Lorde's words strike a chord deep within my soul: When I dare to be powerful to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.
Won’t you join me? I believe we can create a tipping point, as we reaffirm the potential for change in our world and the power of intelligent action, as encouraged by Malcolm Gladwell in his book. The principle of synergy says there are things we can achieve together that we can’t achieve separately. I believe that!
The next part in the process was this instruction:
Please tell us what it was like to write your essay. Was it an easy or a challenging experience? Please limit your response to 600 - 800 words.
The experience of writing “This I Believe,” was an exhilarating one, as it took me down memory lane almost twenty-five years. The biggest challenge was re-composing my essay to crystallize my thoughts in less than 500 succinct words!
Realizing my essay could be summed up in one sentence made me chuckle at my efforts. “Creating authentic connections with one another helps dissolve the differences that separate us.” I have personally experienced this over and over, and it thrills me every time it happens.
Having been “out before Ellen was in,” my thoughts lingered on my own family, and how their mirror has helped to reflect who I am not, so that I can awaken to who I am. I reminisced about crossing the abyss into a greater understanding with so many people. The refining of this hidden inner gold molded my beliefs, teaching me to acknowledge, move beyond, and utilize my anger over family and church rejection, transforming myself in the process.
I remembered how I felt the first time I stood with Soulforce (www.soulforce.org), as we stood in silent vigil at the church of Rev. Jerry Falwell in 1999. I had spent the day learning about the non-violent process of “soul force,” which Gandhi called satagraha. I recalled meeting Mary Lou and Bob Wallner, who lost their lesbian daughter to suicide. They were there with more painful questions than any of us had answers, and their journey intersected with mine that day. Three years later, they introduced my spouse, Roby, to me. I thought of how blessed I am for that connecting thread.
My thoughts then traveled until a vision of my friend, Judy Osborne, entered my mind. I recalled meeting her as I took a seat at the lunch counter (and I don’t mean during the civil rights era). She was another wonderful, yet unique woman I met in Lynchburg with Soulforce. When 9/11 hit America, I was with her in Thailand for her male-female gender reassignment surgery
In that moment, I had to laugh out loud at this incomprehensible vision of a little Southern girl from Atlanta, Georgia. Who would have ever thought I would be working on my doctorate in Human Sexuality, and having these wonderful experiences of connecting threads with such a diverse group of people. I recalled sharing with people that my relationship with the transgender community is God’s greatest gift. I feel they have taught me much about what it means to be human at its core.
I remembered sitting with Roby at a beach restaurant on May 9, mesmerized by the Advocate story of Lars Clausen. Our emotions rolled so near the surface as we finished our dinner we could barely look at one another. When we did, tears ran down our cheeks, and we nodded silently. We instinctively knew that this moment was a defining one. Lars Clausen had provided the catalyst for the journey of our dreams, which would be a parallel, yet inverse journey of his Straight Into Gay America tour.
I then thought of Buddy, an Anglican minister starting a new church in London, England. We met him, his wife, and 4 month-old baby, Grace as we waited in a London airport, attempting to fly standby home from Europe. Buddy shared that meeting us was causing him to wrestle with his understanding and beliefs about gay people. We call it "Gay Into Straight America goes to London!" Another important connecting thread.
Lastly, this essay caused me to think of my Dad as he hovered near death, with me on the edge of his hospital bed. Over twenty years ago, he had stood on one side of the blackberry bush with me on the other as I looked up and said “Dad, I am gay.” He looked directly at me through the thorny branches, heavy with berries, and said, “Well, you can’t be happy.” I replied “But I am happy.” Opposite sides of a thorny bush became a metaphor for our relationship from that day forward
In that moment, however, no longer able to speak, it was as if time stood still as my Dad’s piercing blue eyes locked in a gaze with mine. Suddenly, I was back at the blackberry bush. This time, however, as I held his right hand, I said, “Don’t worry about it, Dad. We’re OK. You and me; we’re ok.” At that moment, he lifted his left arm that he had been unable to move for several days, and wrapped it gently around my waist as I bent over his hospital bed. Lying there in an embrace, we had both come home.
This sums up what it was like to write this essay, remembering many diverse, connecting threads with fondness.
www.GayIntoStraightAmerica.com
Creating Authentic Connections...Dissolving Differences which separate us
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