We write to you because we realize that complete wholeness, yours and ours, depends upon each of us. If we are all connected to one another through God, each of us is empowered to live the great commandment... to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and our neighbor as ourselves. Untruths (from either side) do not enhance that love. Our desire is to lift you up to all the glory that God has in store for your life.
We do not desire or encourage destruction of the family unit, which brought us into the world and gave us life. We honor the sanctity of marriage and respect all families. Our family relationship is strong because it consists of qualities our parents modeled to us: love, honesty, faith, trust, compassion and commitment. Even so, our family units have been impacted by your rhetoric in a way, which has harmed each of us, because some members believe that your words are true. On page 509 in your book Solid Answers, you say "Keep in mind, I am not a theologian, and there are differing opinions on the interpretation of Scripture." And yet, there appears to be no acceptance of other Biblical interpretations (different from yours) by well-known and well-respected theologians regarding same gender relationships.
We have read your books and heard you speak over the years. Because of your words, many have come to believe in your proposed "gay agenda" that in reality does not exist. The assertions you make about gay people do not apply to us (or others we know). When we look at what you describe as the probable causes of homosexuality on page 512 in your book Solid Answers, such as confusion of role models, serious family dysfunction, early sexual abuse, and influence of an older homosexual, we realize that you have used your lens to see us in a certain light and have painted a broad stroke over a group of people, presenting a picture that isn't accurate. Why do we say that? Our role models were heterosexual people, our parents, and neither of us has experienced any of these situations you mention.
We both come from stable Christian homes -- Dotti's parents were married for 55 years before her father died, and Roby's parents have been married for 43 years. Are we saying that there are no homosexual people who come from families with dysfunction and early sexual abuse? No, but if this was indeed the cause, the number of homosexuals in the world would be much higher and many of the heterosexuals we know would be homosexual based on this criteria.
In the end result, we feel sad because, on a deeper level, the pictures we have of one another are not entirely accurate, yours about us, or ours about you. In fact, if we were to have the opportunity to sit and talk with one another, we would probably discover that we have a similar lifestyle, being that we are people of faith in God, as well as married and in a monogamous and committed relationship. Webster's Dictionary defines life·style noun: the typical way of life of an individual, group, or culture. So you see, Dr. Dodson, we are more alike than we are different. Looking for the commonality between us can create a bridge for understanding.
Our lives have been positively impacted by the discourse of various individuals who speak with Scriptural authority. One of those individuals is Rev. Bernie Turner, a Baptist Minister, who performed our legal civil wedding ceremony on March 7, 2004 in Portland, Oregon.
Rev. Turner was a lifeline to Roby in 2001, when she was contemplating suicide, after 18 years of believing your anti-homosexual rhetoric. Rev. Turner reassured Roby by saying, "God loves you just the way you are, and who you are is OK with God!" He continued, "I have studied what the Bible does and does not say about homosexuality for years, and I have come to the conclusion that the Scriptures have been grossly misinterpreted to wrongly discriminate against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people."
In addition to a legal civil ceremony in Portland, we celebrated a spiritual ceremony on July 31, 2004 with friends and family. Our spiritual ceremony was officiated by Rev. Dr. Bill Stayton, a Baptist minister, and Rev. Dr. Lisa Davison, a professor of Hebrew and Old Testament at Lexington Theological Seminary. Their love and support was, and continues to be, a blessing!
Being legally married and committed to a lifetime together, we are not asking for special rights. We simply believe that as citizens of the United States of America, the US Constitution guarantees that we are entitled to the 1,047 rights and protections that automatically come with civil marriage.
In our own journey toward spiritual wholeness, we have chosen an approach that has indeed restored our souls, allowing us to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Through our relationship with God, we have taken responsibility for our anger and our lives. Your untrue rhetoric and remarks that don't empower us have served as a catalyst for our own healing. This has served a higher purpose in our lives.
Through reading and listening to your words, we learned to recognize when your rhetoric triggered in us an outrageous reaction rather than a thoughtful response to our anger. We have utilized these red flag triggers to serve as an ongoing mechanism for identifying what needs healing within us. As we have been healed, we have realized there is no need to defend who we are. Through God's grace and love, we utilize your words, as well as the words of our families, as a mirror to reflect who we are not, so that we can awaken to and celebrate who we are with Christ's spirit in our hearts. At the same time, we recognize that we do not need to remain silent, for injustice must be non-violently confronted.
Whose example has inspired us and taught us how to stand up and speak out against injustice? Jesus. Most importantly, He understood and accepted who he was. This allowed Him to respond with love rather than be triggered by the anger He felt when people mistreated or insulted Him personally. Jesus saved His anger and righteous indignation for expressing in the face of injustice. His anger, then and now, is on behalf of others. His anger is not aroused by wounded feelings or negative actions pointed at Him. Even as Jesus hung on the cross, He was not triggered to scream out at those who persecuted Him for the abuse he endured. He quietly said "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."
Jesus demonstrated forgiveness. We think that's what He had in mind when He told us to pray for our enemies. It is a transforming experience to pray sincerely for the person who we feel has injured us or wounded our feelings. When we pray for a healed relationship with you, Dr. Dobson, we can then commend you to God's loving care, allowing our anger to be transformed, dissipated, and defused into the greater experience of love. In that moment, we are then inspired to quietly call out "Forgive James Dobson, Father, for he knows not what he does."
In conclusion, Dr. Dobson, we pray that the Spirit of God will open your eyes, your ears, and your heart, so that the truth about us will be revealed to you. We trust that when you have your "Saul to Paul" experience, and God reveals to you a greater understanding, you will then go forth and spread this good news about who we are, promoting love, tolerance and acceptance for all.
We expressed in both our wedding invitation and our ceremony, "We vow to create change in the world through the expression of our love." That is all we have for you, Dr. Dobson... LOVE! This vow continues to offer a wonderful opportunity for us to daily witness the potential of spiritual congruency between what we say and what we do.
May Christ enter into your heart and ours in a way that each of us has never yet experienced in our lives!
Namaste' ('We honor the Spirit in you, which is also in us'),
Dotti Berry & Robynne Sapp
Blaine, WA
