| Living Authentic Lives
What does that mean and how do we "live authentic lives?" It means sharing our truth and living as the gift that you are, regardless of the circumstances or person with whom we are relating, whether that is a personal situation or work situation. The impact of doing this cannot be underestimated as a vehicle for increasing acceptance and celebration of who we are, as GLBT persons.
Why? Research shows that when people "know" a gay person ("know" is in quotes to indicate that it means the individual is aware that the person they know is gay), that individual is more apt to vote for laws that offer equality and protections for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons. That is great news! Unfortunately, only 4% of us are out in all situations (Harris Interactive survey). The people who need to shift are us! Yes, we hold the key to our own freedom; it is time to use it. Living authentically cannot be underestimated as a way of decreasing the misunderstanding and hate sometimes perpetuated against us.
I see fear from others as a call for love. People want to connect at the deepest level, and yet people are often afraid to risk reaching across differences to connect with one another. What I experienced from our year-long Gay Into Straight America journey is that the majority of people in the United States want equality and justice for all people, inclusive of GLBT persons.
The vocal and well-financed minority, who do not want this, have held our community hostage through fear. Now is the time to break our silence, and share our lives, our authentic selves, with the movable middle. Whenever we are triggered in negative ways by the actions of others, it serves as a reflection of what needs healing in us, not them. Otherwise, their words and actions will not trigger us. We will own and be responsible for our feelings, and channel them in affirming ways, whether those are feelings of anger, frustration, or resentment. Gandhi, Rose Parks, King, Mandela, Ann Richards, Demond Tutu, and others have modeled ways of doing this.
It is time to quit enabling dysfunction within our own community by being complicit in our own imprisonment through our silence. Poet Audre Lorde says, "Your silence will not protect you." She is right! Life is about chiseling away the armor that creates a false illusion of safety, and revealing the beauty within. It is time to ask as much of ourselves as we ask of others. The gift that we are must be shared if we are to move forward. That step will both heal us and empower us.
What questions can we ask ourselves?
- What is stopping me from living authentically?
- Are these valid and empowering reasons?
- Is there a deeper answer beneath the initial one? (Note: You are seldom upset for the reason you say you are)
- Do I gain more than I lose from making this choice?
- Is the way I am "doing life" empowering me?
- If I answer "No," am I willing to shift and transform my own self, and create new affirming actions?
The recent action of a Canadian Anglican bishop, who chose to perform a marriage ceremony for a lesbian couple, shows that people do shift in their understanding of marriage, even when their past actions would have indicated otherwise.
Terence Finlay, noted for having fired a priest in 1991 for having a homosexual relationship and for publicly admonishing a Toronto priest, Rev. Sara Boyles, for performing a same-sex marriage (in 2003 shortly before he retired in 2004), help us understand how people can shift. Why he shifted is best illustrated by his comment...
"The couple I married are very close friends of our family. I've known one since she was a small child," Finlay told the Anglican Journal. "Her father was one of my theological professors and he was an honorary assistant in one of my parishes, and over the years, our families have remained very close."
Bishop Finlay's comments illustrate the impact of "knowing" a gay person ("knowing" is in quotes to indicate that it means the person is aware that the person they know is gay). Need we need a better story about why it is so important to live our authentic lives? Remember, only 4% of us are out in all situations. The people who need to shift are us!
We began every newsletter on our year-long Gay Into Straight America journey with this comment. We can never say it too often.
You can't hate someone whose story you know.
Shift...Awakening to the Gift That I Am offers ten empowering principles for becoming more conscious and living authentically.
Click here for the full story on Bishop Finlay.
© Dotti Berry, 2006
Dotti Berry, "out before Ellen was in," has over 30 years of experience as an entrepreneur, consultant, trainer, and coach. She has facilitated leadership programs and dynamic workshops in relationship, self-awareness, authentic connections and undefended love, diversity, non-violent process and sexuality. She has a master's degree in education, and is finishing her doctorate in human sexuality. You can reach her at dotti@GLBTcoach.com. Visit her website, GLBT Coach.
Dotti and her spouse, Robynne Sapp, recently completed their year-long journey, Gay Into Straight America, committed to engaging hearts and minds, creating authentic connections, and dissolving differences that separate us. Gay Into Straight America, was the initial project of their non-profit, Stand UP Speak Out.
Discover how to become a Stand UP Speak OUT Wind Changer. Take the Stand UP Speak OUT Challenge
They were legally married March 7, 2004, in Portland, Oregon. Their spiritual ceremony was July 31, 2004. Click here for their story.
You can contact them at:
dotti@GayIntoStraightAmerica.com or roby@GayIntoStraightAmerica.com
Please contact Dotti below about using the above material. This material may be shared with others through email and posting on other newsletters and/or on websites, as well as printed in publications or newspapers; however, it must be shared in its entirety without any changes made. Appropriate credit listing the copyright and contact information must also accompany the article.
|
