Kathy Reim's thoughts

It started as conversations do with mothers and daughters around the world. We had been planning the celebration for almost a year, and Rachel said, "Mom, will you take care of the announcement for the paper?"

"Sure," I replied.

My response was short and confident. Rachel and Tammy are in their mid- thirties, and I had not had much else to do other than getting our home ready for the ceremony. I was pleased to do this.  My dear daughter- in a wedding dress- her picture in the paper and her 70 relatives in the valley and all our friends, many of whom could not be here, sharing news of this event.

I called my local paper-the one that records our history in our community.  I started with Jake. He was very nice. "We have been talking about this," he said. "It has been coming up. However same-sex ceremonies are not published in the Skagit Valley Herald," he explained. I could hear the genuine concern. He sent me to Kathy. Once again I explained that my daughter and her partner were having a commitment ceremony at our home on July 4 and wanted to know what would be involved in having an announcement in the celebrations section of our paper. Kathy suggested I talk to Don Nelson, the editor. 

By mid afternoon I was able to reach Mr. Nelson. He too was kind and explained that it was the decision of the owner of the paper, Stedem Wood, that same-sex ceremonies would not be published in the paper until they were legal. I asked if I might talk to him- but Mr. Wood was not likely to be available until late next week.
Then I did what those of us who love our kids do and said," Help me figure out how to make this happen for my daughter."

And he did. He gave me the number of Mariana in the advertising department. Together we figured out I could buy an ad for $208.00 in the Sunday paper that will include a picture and the traditional announcement about a celebration where people commit their lives to one another.

I cried.

I cried out of frustration that this should be so hard and because Mariana was so kind and understanding. It must be heartbreaking to work in a situation that blocks such a meaningful right of passage for people's lives when you know its importance.

So what about freedom? The paper seems to believe that they can only write about something when there is a legal basis for an event. I am bewildered. Do they ask all the people who send them anniversary announcements to offer proof of legal union? Do they require people who are celebrating a birthday to send along a birth certificate?

Papers take on good faith that people are in celebration of spiritual and social events that government cannot and has not and never will really control. Sadly this country limits the legal rights of some couples to share resources and decision-making. It will, however, never control the rights of individuals to love another in a life-time of devotion. This is what makes us strong as Americans.  
 
Someone said that Rachel is lucky to have a mom who would fight so hard for her. I am absolutely no different than every parent reading or hearing this. Rachel and Tammy have made a wonderful choice to be in each other's lives... and choice really has to do with how long families will remain silent when the people we love are refused such a simple, basic right as this. My plea to Stedem Wood at the Skagit Valley Herald and to the owners of papers across this land is that they hear this story and know this struggle has cast a shadow on a time in our lives that is about blessing and faith. I hope he will reflect on the idea that freedom to share information in a community is as critical as the freedom to receive it.
 
A friend in Seattle contacted KOMO Channel 4 about this situation and they are coming on Tuesday morning to do a short report for the 5:00 PM news. Rachel and Tammy have graciously agreed to meet with the reporter that morning.

Their wedding is at 4:00 and we will not see the broadcast. My guess is not many people will since they will be celebrating with their families and friends... but perhaps it would be worthwhile to tape it if some of you have that capability.

I hope I can be a good spokesperson for us.

Like you, I am determined that our lives not be disrespected.