| Stephen Parelli and Jose Ortiz
Former ‘ex-gay’ couple to speak on movement
By Sarah Blazucki
PGN Staff Writer
© 2006 Philadelphia Gay News
A gay couple who met while involved in an “ex-gay” ministry will speak 7 p.m. May 14 at Fusion Baptist Church at the Lutheran Church of the Holy Communion, 2110 Chestnut St.
 The couple, Stephen Parelli and Jose Ortiz, will share their experiences of trying to unsuccessfully suppress their sexual orientation, and how they have reconciled their sexuality with their faith, with Baptist congregation for sexual minorities.
Parelli and Ortiz met in 1997 at an “ex-gay” group at Calvary Baptist Church in New York City. At the time, Parelli was a married pastor and Ortiz was battling sexual addition. Both had tried, unsuccessfully, to change their sexual orientation for years.
“Ex-gay” groups, of which Exodus International is the most prominent, are generally religious organizations that attempt to change one’s sexual orientation through prayer, meditation and Bible reading.
Both Parelli and Ortiz say they were following the “ex-gay” formula to change their sexual orientation, but their same-sex attractions hadn’t diminished.
When the two met, Parelli was in counseling with a secular therapist, Joseph Nicolosi, the founder and president of the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, a national group of therapists that claims to help gays “to diminish their homosexuality and to develop their heterosexual potential.” NARTH has been discredited by the American Medical Association.
Attempting to deal with compulsive sexual behaviors and his orientation, Ortiz had attended a variety of “ex-gay” and 12-step programs.
Both are currently part of Other Sheep, an ecumenical Christian ministry that works to empower and connect with sexual minorities across the globe. Parelli is the group’s executive director. Ortiz is coordinator for Asia, Africa and Latin countries in the Americas.
Other Sheep was founded in 1992 by Dr. Rev. Tom Hanks to provide information and support to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender religious groups and individuals who are marginalized by mainstream religious organizations, specifically working in areas where information is limited.
“Ex-gay” groups have been widely criticized by gay advocates for their political opposition of gay civil-rights and marriage initiatives, negative “propaganda” about the gay lifestyle and causing psychological turmoil, as well as for making inflated claims about their rates of success.
Wayne Besen, a political activist and author of “Anything But Straight,” a book criticizing the “ex-gay” movement, said, “They don’t keep statistics. They make claims. Only they can keep real statistics and they won’t do it.”
He added, “It’s nearly impossible to find “ex-gays.” There are people who are paid to say they are changed.”
Daniel Gonzales, a former “ex-gay” and contributor of ExGayWatch.com, a watchdog Web site, agrees with Besen.
“The vast majority [of ‘ex-gay’ spokespeople] are professional heterosexuals. They make their livelihood by being ‘ex-gay.’ They could be more convincing if they used regular people.”
Gonzales was also a patient of Nicolosi for about a year and a half.
Another concern of former “ex-gays” is the effort of the movement to focus on youth.
Peterson Toscano, a former “ex-gay” who underwent reparative therapy counseling and exorcisms, and attended “ex-gay” support groups and the residential “ex-gay” program “Love In Action,” is particularly upset by this.
“Programs have now shifted their focus and are targeting youth and parents of queer and questioning youth. It’s sinister,” he said.
“It’s one thing to focus on adults. It’s quite another to target a young person who is still developing a sense of self and inject God-sanctioned doubt. It can only do harm.”
Toscano considers this shift to be “hypocritical” on the part of the “ex-gay” movement, charging that they are doing just what they have accused homosexuals of doing: recruiting.
Randy Thomas, membership director of Exodus International, who reluctantly refers to himself as “ex-gay,” said the faith-based organization is criticized by both conservative religious groups and liberal activists.
According to Thomas, Exodus’ goal is to bring their point of view — that people can steward their sexuality in a different direction — into the public discourse.
Thomas, who has been involved with Exodus for 14 years and an employee for four years, is careful to walk a line of nonconfrontation, though his language belies the group’s assumptions.
“We are not out to convert gays — that’s a misconception,” he said. “We provide help and hope to those that want it.”
He does, however, believe that Christianity and homosexuality are not mutually exclusive.
“I did not become a Christian to not be gay. I do believe people who identify as gay and Christian. I will question their view of sexuality and what is appropriate and not. But this is not a salvation issue.”
Thomas said the group receives approximately 400,000 contacts per year.
Calls to NARTH and Nicolosi were not returned by press time.
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