Gottman's research on gay and lesbian couples 

John Gottman, who found a few gender distinctions (gay or straight, women tend to 
become sadder than men), was most startled and excited by the strikingly upbeat 
dynamics in homosexual relationships. "There's a 'reverse economy' in the diagrams," 
he exclaims. "Not only do they start off more positive, but the positivity has a much 
greater impact, and the negativity a much lesser impact." Gay relationships, in other 
words, did not need five positive interactions to blot out each negative one. On the 
other hand, Gottman says, these couples had more trouble repairing things once they 
did go sour, a built-in fragility that diverges from straight relationships. Gottman was 
also startled by the gay couples' candor in talking about sex--"they can really talk to 
each other openly about whatthey like and dislike." 
 
Gottman is clearly exhilarated by this fresh subject matter and by the 
opportunity to explore a new population of couples. (He was reading The 
Gay Metropolis when I arrived.) But for a while, the gay and lesbian data 
created a dramatic internal debate at the institute: Julie, for one, was worried 
that the research might make their family a target for the right wing and 
potentially endanger the fledgling institute. After hashing it out (with a fair 
bit of active listening!), the couple resolved their differences, and John seems 
eager to finish the mathematical analysis. The conceptual issues, he says, 
are particularly interesting: Without simple husband and wife slots, the 
researchers decided to code the interactions depending on which partner 
"initiated" and which "received" marital issues. 
 
Still, it's only one study. And Gottman has numerous qualms about its 
statistical design and sample selection. (Couples were required not to 
have been married before, to be within the same age range, and not to 
have children, among other things.) Not to mention the cohort concerns: 
Is it possible to isolate distinctive aspects of gay and lesbian 
relationships when the cultural tide shifts daily? Nonetheless, the 
Gottman Institute has already begun a speeded-up cycle of 
data-to-therapy: It has established a task force of gay and lesbian 
therapists and is preparing to offer workshops for homosexual couples. 
"We're about helping people to have good relationships," says John. "We 
take a moral stand only on that. We honor love when we find it." 






 
What have they learned? Results from the Gottman gay/lesbian couples study
Unique emotional qualities of same-sex couples: strengths partners can capitalize on
  • Gay/lesbian couples are more upbeat in the face of conflict. Compared to straight couples, gay and lesbian couples use more affection and humor when they bring up a disagreement, and partners are more positive in how they receive it. Gay and lesbian couples are also more likely to remain positive after a disagreement. "When it comes to emotions, we think these couples may operate with very different principles than straight couples. Straight couples may have a lot to learn from gay and lesbian relationships," explains Gottman.
  • Gay/lesbian couples use fewer controlling, hostile emotional tactics. Gottman and Levenson also discovered that gay and lesbian partners display less belligerence, domineering and fear with each other than straight couples do. "The difference on these ‘control’ related emotions suggests that fairness and power-sharing between the partners is more important and more common in gay and lesbian relationships than in straight ones," Gottman explained.
  • In a fight, gay and lesbian couples take it less personally. In straight couples, it is easier to hurt a partner with a negative comment than to make one’s partner feel good with a positive comment. This appears to be reversed in gay and lesbian couples. Gay and lesbian partners’ positive comments have more impact on feeling good, while their negative comments are less likely to produce hurt feelings. "This trend suggests that gay and lesbian partners have a tendency to accept some degree of negativity without taking it personally," observes Gottman. 
  • Unhappy gay and lesbian couples tend to show low levels of "physiological arousal." This is just the reverse for straight couples. For straights, physiological arousal signifies ongoing aggravation. The ongoing aroused state—including elevated heart rate, sweaty palms, and jitteriness—means partners have trouble calming down in the face of conflict. For gay and lesbian couples this lower level of arousal shows that they are able to soothe one another.
Gay and lesbian differences—mostly gender differences—on emotional expressiveness
  • In a fight, lesbians show more anger, humor, excitement and interest than conflicting gay men. This suggests that lesbians are more emotionally expressive—positively and negatively—than gay men. This result may be the effect of having two women in a relationship. Both have been raised in a society where expressiveness is more acceptable for women than for men, and it shows up in their relationships. 
  • Gay men need to be especially careful to avoid negativity in conflict. When it comes to repair, gay couples differ from straight and lesbian couples. If the initiator of conflict in a gay relationship becomes too negative, his partner is not able to repair as effectively as lesbian or straight partners. "This suggests that gay men may need extra help to offset the impact of negative emotions that inevitably come along when couples fight," explains Gottman.
How did Drs. Gottman and Levenson study same-sex couples? Gottman and Levenson recorded gay and lesbian couples interacting and coded partners’ expressions to learn more about their emotions. They also used more common self-reporting and interview methods, in detail and over time. The combination of these measures provided a thorough assessment. The results of this research are currently under review for publication.